City Loop of Sadness : the End of the journey.

Being lost...

in the desert, in the mountains, inside the water, from a village to an other, from a culture to another, views and spirits to an other . Meeting people from different backgrounds, langues. Sad nomades that are angry of their way of living that has been imposed for them because of technology, hopeless local artists that lost their dreams because of harsh weather and anger of nature, smiley simple men that shares every little thing they have with strangers that know nothing about, men who decide to open up for me with no clue , people who're seeking for hope in the air they breathe, women who're seeking to be better than their neighbors and cousins and friends, girls who're looking to escape their reality to a better one, communicating without using a language, beautiful eyes that hold the deepest experiences of life,men and women who wants their peace of mind to last forever. A clean claire breath to breathe everyday, waterfalls, rivers, sand texture and pure silence,inspiration everywhere, feeling alive every second every minute every hour.....

it was very difficult for me to transition from this to an urban space, a place where civilisation is taking all the natural space, where everything is labeled, everything got a price a material cost, where there are alot of "wanna be something that i don't know ", lost people who're following without knowing or thinking, a dress to fit in kind of society,

locking your dreams into boxes and fighting reality with alcohol and endless smoke, everyone is hunted by dates and time, having an urban guiding of how should you live your life and dare to decide for yourself.

My depression took place without me realizing it , it was hard for me to fit into such a place, i couldn't even breathe. I'm seeing the misery in people's eyes, we're exshausted in this concept of modernity. i didn't even know how did i resist my entire life this stegma, i don't want to be a city girl, a modern urban girl anymore. My spirit belongs somcwhere far away from the geometric squares, a smart life ruled by smartphones, an artificial reality...

I don't know what's real anymore.

Now i'm fighting to stay alive in here, in this big city that is eating me little by little, i don't know what's going to be left months from now. I'm shaping myself to my needs, doing what i need to do to survive, and its killing me from the inside.

When i was travelling i was always thinking about this moment of coming back, how my life would be life like , how am i going to fit in to the city anymore? how am i going to interact socially? creating a career a future for my family to be proud of ? how am i going to catch up with this high speed of life ?

I guess it was as hard as i've imaged it, i wish i can cry or think or let it go in somehow someway. I feel stuck inside clouds of emotions that i can't describe .. but i can't quite the fight, my life is a fight. i'm trying to be strong everyday and fight this depression and go see the outsideworld that ends in my limits, but i can't quite the fight because my life is a fight.

i will never be happy in the city, call me a nomadic lost spirit that belongs in the deep nature in all its forms, i left my heart, my soul there, my real identity and who i really am hoping to be back as soon as possible.

#Lifestruggles #Travel #TheEnd #Reality #Cityloop #Depression #LostKid #NomadicHeart